Freelance writer Jason Cipriani, whose father died by suicide when Jason was growing up, has penned a thought-provoking reflection on Medium about his feeling that he is accurately described as a "victim of suicide." In doing so, he counters the negative connotation of the word victim, making it clear that he doesn't see himself "as nothing but a victim, playing the 'poor me' card," but rather that it simply validates the impact that his experience has had on him.
It gave my emotions, my pain, my hurt, my anger, my sadness, my years of depression growing up ... it gave it all a title. You know how people that are chronically sick without a diagnosis feel relief when a doctor is finally able to identify the diseases attacking their body? I can only guess I felt the same way.In other words, he sees the idea of being a victim not through a judgmental lens but as purely descriptive (hurricane victim, accident victim).
I am reminded of what a woman who had lost her teenage son to suicide once told me about her negative opinion of being called a "survivor" of suicide, which she saw as entirely inaccurate. "I didn't survive anything," she said, "and I don't feel like a survivor. I feel like a victim of something horrible that happened."
I do hope that at some point in their lives, everyone who has lost a loved one to suicide feels like a survivor, but I also hope that we think seriously -- and compassionately -- about how the word victim captures the reality faced by survivors of suicide loss, namely, that they have experienced a calamity that for many is as stark and debilitating as any disaster that might befall a person.
RSS Feed