Grief after Suicide
  • Grief After Suicide Blog
  • Personal Grief Coaching
  • Training & Presentations
  • Suggest a Story
  • Contact

SURVIVOR OUTLOOK: 'There is no nice neat explanation'

12/21/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
André Parker, center, in blue sweatshirt, died by suicide in 2012 at age 19.
"Survivor Outlook" shares the voices of survivors of suicide loss whose experiences with grief and recovery have been reported in the news. To learn more about the survivors quoted, follow the links to the complete stories. Learn how you can suggest a story.

"Murderers can at least be questioned, but a suicide is a murder in which the killer is also the victim: in which the reason, the motive, dies with the act." Jeremy Gavron, son of Hannah Gavron, who died by suicide in 1965 at age 29 (The Guardian, U.K. -- also see A Woman on the Edge of Time)

"Connor, Will [Trautwein], Robin Williams -- they died of an illness, just as people die of cancer and heart disease ... It is common. It is treatable. It is curable. And it is ok. The stigma needs to go away. People need to talk about it." Erin Ball, mother of Connor, who died by suicide in 2011 when was 14 (WMUR, Manchester, N.H.)

"Suicide grief is so complicated. It's a very physical pain. It affects every cell in your body." Grace Young, mother of Jack Young Jr., who died by suicide in 2007 at age 27. (Hartford Courant, Conn.)


Read More
0 Comments

FJC'S JOURNAL: Here's How Paying Attention Sometimes Works for Me

5/6/2014

2 Comments

 
Picture
How do we piece together the next thing and the next thing after that? The only answer that makes sense to me is, one thing leads to another -- and becomes purposeful if we pay attention.

Yesterday, I encountered an announcement for the Seattle premiere of a documentary, Four Sisters. The four sisters featured in the film are all survivors of the suicide of their brothers. The sisters are pictured above in photographs by filmmaker Caley Cook, from left, Lauren Greenberg, Maria Rivera, Laurie Cook-Heffron, and Laura Habedank. (Each sister introduces herself in a clip from the film, available on the Four Sisters home page.)

I highly recommend the film, for it is a beautiful example of how one survivor's loss (Caley Cook's brother died of suicide) reverberates outward and helps other survivors grapple with the broken pieces of meaning we are all trying to fit together. But this blog post is not about the film: It is about going where you're led -- and paying attention.

In the announcement for the film premiere, Forefront Cares is listed as the host of the event. Forefront Cares is the bereavement support program of Forefront, a statewide initiative at the University of Washington whose "goal is to lead other states in innovative approaches to suicide prevention." Forefront is, in part, the brainchild of a colleague and friend of mine, Sue Eastgard.

One thing leads to another.


Read More
2 Comments

DEATH MIDWIFE PROBES REGRET, SADNESS IN REFLECTION ON BROTHER'S SUICIDE

3/27/2014

0 Comments

 
When I saw the title "A Death Midwife's Perspective on Suicide" I did not suspect the post was by someone whose brother had died by suicide only a month before she wrote it, but so it was:
My brother, my best friend in life ... lost his battle with bipolar on February 25th ... My brother was also my hero, and we loved to rib each other. I miss him so much every day.
I was reminded, as I read, how much we who have lost a loved one to suicide have in common, regardless of who we are (or who we think we are); and I am grateful to the author, Rowan MistWalker --
a professional tarot and oracle diviner ... [who] from time to time, when Spirit wishes ... serve[s] as a medium, helping others connect with their departed loved ones
-- for reminding me of that.

Her post is a painfully candid review of her interactions with her brother during the final weeks of his life, in which she explains her regrets as eloquently as I've ever heard a survivor of suicide loss explain them:
I wish I had the compassion, the strength, the courage to confront him as he was, day by day, losing the will to live.
That comes from the kind of soul-searching not circumscribed by a person's religious preference, and the remorse and sadness in it breaks my heart. Other people may have the cosmos arranged a bit differently than I do, but if you prick them, do they not bleed? Suicide has shown me the truth of that again and again, both in how it claims its victims with indifference toward "who they are" and in how its aftermath serves as a great and awful equalizer among the bereaved.

Her post includes a picture of Ms. MistWalker's brother, and he looks like a person who would "rib" his sister (and take a good ribbing from her). No doubt he will be missed every day ...
0 Comments

SHARING OF SEDARIS ESSAY POINTS TO COMMON GROUND AMONG BEREAVED

2/16/2014

0 Comments

 
Thank you to Litsa over at What's Your Grief? for investing an extra quarter of an hour in her car in a Target parking lot a few weeks ago so she could finish listening to David Sedaris on This American Life, reading his New Yorker essay about his sister's suicide last May. Litsa passed the fruits of her labors along in a blog post that summarizes the essay's helpfulness regarding grief (and that also serves as an introduction to the thoughtful writing she and fellow blogger Eleanor routinely offer on What's Your Grief?).

As for Sedaris's essay, it is brilliant, understated in a way that keeps the depth of the tragedy at arm's length and creates resonant space for a couple of breathtaking moments like this:

"I don't know that it had anything to do with us," my father said. But how could it have not? Doesn't the blood of every suicide splash back on our faces?
The losses Litsa and Eleanor mention on What's Your Grief? in reference to their personal interests in bereavement do not involve suicide, and the way Sedaris's story is treated on their blog highlights, for me, how much all bereaved people have in common. I am dedicated to providing a special "space" for suicide grief and for the suicide bereaved, but I also always remember that, in so many ways, grief is grief.

0 Comments
    FREE NEWSLETTER
    BLOG HOME PAGE
    • "After a Suicide" Resources 
    • Directory of Survivor Support Groups


    Categories

    All
    Advocacy & Policy
    Announcements
    Black Community
    Children's Grief
    Community Support
    Death Of A Child
    Death Of A Friend
    Death Of A Parent
    Death Of A Sibling
    Death Of A Spouse
    Depression & Grief
    Experts On Grief
    First Responders
    FJC's Journal
    Grief And Communities
    Health & Grief
    Helping Others
    Holidays
    Men's Grief
    Military
    National Guidelines
    Peer Support
    Programs And Services
    Research
    Spirituality & Grief
    Suicide Prevention
    Support Groups
    Survivor Outlook
    Survivor Resources
    Survivor Showcase
    Survivor Stories
    Taking Action
    Trauma

    Grief after Suicide posts are by Franklin Cook (unless noted). Learn more about Franklin's work in suicide grief support.
    Blogs on Suicide Grief
    • Alliance of Hope
    • Healing Suicide Grief
    • Lala's Mom
    • Our Side of Suicide
    • Mary's Shortcut
    • Loss of a Child
    • Bright Shining Star
    • Speaking of Suicide
    • Everything But the Cat

    RSS Feed

    TERMS OF USE AND SERVICE
    Must be read by anyone posting any content on this website.

    © 2016 Personal Grief Coaching.
    All Rights Reserved.