SURVIVOR SHOWCASE 09-03-13: PERSONAL NEWS ON GRIEF AND RECOVERY

"Survivor Showcase" is a monthly feature of the Grief after Suicide blog that highlights the personal stories of survivors of suicide loss (and other bereaved people) whose experiences with grief and recovery have been reported in the news.

The mother of a 25-year-old veteran who died by suicide has submitted a petition on the White House website stating "I buried my son yesterday because he could not get the help he so desperately needed" -- and asking for increased care for soldiers with PTSD. According to the deceased veteran's wife, Laci Baker,

"If somebody is reaching out to them with post-traumatic [stress disorder], that is not something that can be shoved to the back burner. Obviously in this situation it was a life or death situation. It was too much to deal with."

NFL star Dave Duerson's brother Michael added his voice to the discussion about the NFL's recent settlement for concussion-related brain injuries. Dave Duerson died by suicide in 2011, at the age of 50. Michael works with local young people through the Dave Duerson Athletic Safety Fund to improve safety in the game of football:

"It's been an effective way for me to deal with my grief, by working diligently to make sure that lightning doesn't strike twice in another family the way it has in ours," Michael explained.

Tregg Duerson, the football player's son, was honored with the LOSS (Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide) 2013 Charles T. Rubey Award this spring in Chicago, where he said,

"I loved my father ... I always cherish all the moments I had with him, and I miss him each and every day."

C. Wess Daniels reflects on the long aftermath of his 47-year-old stepfather's suicide in 2003, alluding to The Things They Carried, Tim O'Brien's classic short story collection about the Vietnam War. Daniels writes, "I noticed only a few months ago that I was still carrying around the weight of his death and I was having a hard time shaking it":

What I realized I was doing, at a subconscious level, was redirecting my anger towards his memories. I was filtering out any positive memory, any possible connection that was joyful and focusing solely on the negative ... Almost ten years later ... I truly have to work to remember the good times. And yet, I know that this is my memory clouded by years of fighting against the weight of his suicide.

Freelance journalist Kevyn Burger's story about survivors openly sharing that their loved ones died by suicide includes interviews with Sam Savage, who lost his 24-year-old brother to suicide just this spring, and Kitty Westin, whose 20-year-old daughter died by suicide 13 years ago. Kitty advocates on behalf of families dealing with mental illness and eating disorders and says,

"It serves a purpose when a family can state it when someone in their family had an illness that led to their death ... It can change the conversation. It can make it OK to get treatment for an illness."

Sam says people are aware of how his brother died, but that it's too soon for him to tell if that awareness has had any effect on his healing from the loss:

"It's become more bearable. My appetite is back, and I can sleep through the night again. But it's still there ... Call me in a few years," he said.

Two New Zealand mothers who are best friends lost teenage sons to suicide within 10 days of each other, and are forming a support group for people who have had a suicide in their family. Vicki Jones, whose son died when he was 19, says,

"Families don't want to feel like they're tarnished; you don't want to have to walk down the street with your head bowed because your child committed suicide."

Fiona Helm's 18-year-old son died by suicide four days after Vicki's son's funeral, and she wants to help anyone who experiences such a loss:

"We want to let people know that we are here to listen or help in any way. When it first happens, you feel like an outsider and sometimes you just need someone to say: 'It's okay if you want to hide today.'"

Janet Lyn Bresenham writes on the fifth anniversary of her sister's death by suicide, "a person is so much more than the way they died ... [and] that person should be remembered and celebrated with love and for a life well lived":

In the end, she could not save her own life -- and neither could my brother Dave or I or the other people who loved her ... Losing my only sister that way changed me forever. From that day, I have been relentless about trying to share hope, about trying to encourage people not to ever give up, no matter what.

A story about suicide in Utah features Pam Hellewell, whose 24-year-old son died by suicide in 2006. Hellewell now makes scrapbooks for people who are bereaved by suicide or who have experienced the death of a child. She is also active in an online support group:

"It's really helpful to give back," Hellewell said. "Those first two years are just a nightmare. So to be able to help them realize that you're doing OK, it's one day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes that's all you can handle ... that makes you feel good that you can help others that are dealing with the same thing."