SURVIVOR SHOWCASE 07-08-13: PERSONAL NEWS ON GRIEF AND RECOVERY

"Survivor Showcase" is a feature of the Grief after Suicide blog that highlights the personal stories of survivors of suicide loss (and occasionally other bereaved people) whose experiences with grief and recovery have been reported in the news.

Michel Martin, the host of NPR's Tell Me More, shares the story of losing her only brother to suicide three years ago. The piece was prompted by Martin's reporting on the increased suicide rates in the United States among middle-aged men, about which she says:

Is any of this really news to anybody? Is it really that hard to figure out? My question is the same question I find myself asking a lot these days, which is, "How many more?" How many more funerals do we need to have, before we look the problem in the face, and fix it?

Laurie Loisel, managing editor of the Daily Hampshire Gazette, writes about her 83-year-old father's death in "My Family's Decision to Tell the Truth about Suicide":

My father's death felt unnatural, unacceptable, violent and, in my heart, avoidable ... It's not a choice I agree with, or even understand, really. I don't oppose this choice under all situations -- I voted in favor of the physician-assisted suicide referendum that failed in our state last November. But in my view, my father still had vital years ahead of him.

Three young women (Jessica, Lindsay, and Becky) whose fathers all died by suicide within five months of each other -- and who met at a suicide bereavement support group -- have started the blog Our Side of Suicide. In the latest post, Lindsay writes:

We often think about how ... [our loved ones'] actions affected us and made our lives more difficult. To them, living on with a life of pain or choosing suicide is [a] lose-lose decision where the latter might feel like the easiest to navigate. I will never be able to understand the pain my Dad was in and how he felt trapped.

Here is a roundup of blogs published by survivors of suicide loss.

Christianity Today offers an interview with Frank Page, a longtime pastor and former Southern Baptist Convention president, whose 32-year-old daughter died by suicide. Page says,

At some point, when something like this happens, of this magnitude, you have to ask: Do we believe what we've taught, preached, read, and said all these years? Does God really come through in the dark times? And the answer is he does, and he did. And he has for all of us.

An Orange County Register article frames the story of a 16-year-old's suicide around the decisions by two of his brothers to compete in track-and-field events the week of the teen's death. According to the article:

Neither [decision] was an act of defiance nor of acceptance, and neither was an effort at redemption -- it just felt right ... "He was able to face something that should have broken him down," [one brother says of the other].

NBC4 TV in Washington, D.C., ran a story on survivors of military personnel who died by suicide, and a number of family members interviewed report that "almost as soon as the funeral is over, they lose their connection to the military and are left on their own to battle their grief."

"I consider my daughter a casualty of this war," said Christine Koch. She and her husband, Bill ... [say] they lost two children in the war: Steven, an army gunner killed in Afghanistan, and then his older sister Lynn, who committed suicide following her brother's death.

"They give you a list of doctors to see, try this group or try that group. There's very little followup," [Christine says] ... "We are no longer considered military."

A Salt Lake Tribune story tells of Ken and Lyn McGuire, whose 17-year-old son died by suicide, starting a support group that appeals directly to suicide loss survivors who are members of the Mormon church, which in recent years has declared its stance on suicide to be that "'only God can judge such a matter.'"

"We [as a society] talk a lot about suicide and suicide prevention, but there really is another arm to this whole complex issue, and that's the bereavement side of it," Ken McGuire said. "That's so huge, and we don't do a very good job with it."

A newspaper article from New Zealand reports on a woman who survived her sister's suicide (and her daughter's death in a car accident and the loss of her husband to an aneurism) -- and who experienced debilitating depression until she reached out for help:

Marilyn Robertson wants others to know that if she can make it through, so can [others]; that there is hope after grief and life beyond depression ...

"Depression won't go away on its own," [she says]. However you can seek help in the form of counselling and medication. You just have to be honest with yourself if you aren't feeling well and own up to someone that you need help."