Grief after Suicide
  • Grief After Suicide Blog
  • Personal Grief Coaching
  • Training & Presentations
  • Suggest a Story
  • Contact

'RING THEORY' HIGHLY RECOMMENDED AS GUIDELINE FOR COMFORTING THE BEREAVED

5/24/2013

0 Comments

 
Last month, Susan Silk and Barry Goldman wrote for the Los Angeles Times a supremely insightful piece about interacting with people in distress, titled "How Not to Say the Wrong Thing." If a person applies their advice to talking to the bereaved, it's about as good as it gets:
Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma ... Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma ... Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones ... Here are the rules. The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, "Life is unfair" and "Why me?" That's the one payoff for being in the center ring ... Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.

Silk and Goldman call this "The Ring Theory." Its guiding principle is "Comfort IN, dump OUT." That means a person's role is to give comfort and support -- and nothing else -- to anyone in a smaller ring than he or she occupies (here's an illustration). If a person needs to share his or her own worry or distress or debate or criticism (or personal philosophy), that's OK, "just do it to someone in a bigger ring."

While the Ring Theory may require exceptions to the rule, it's a brilliant starting place for orienting oneself before interacting with someone who is bereaved -- and I highly recommend it.
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    FREE NEWSLETTER
    BLOG HOME PAGE
    • "After a Suicide" Resources 
    • Directory of Survivor Support Groups


    Categories

    All
    Advocacy & Policy
    Announcements
    Black Community
    Children's Grief
    Community Support
    Death Of A Child
    Death Of A Friend
    Death Of A Parent
    Death Of A Sibling
    Death Of A Spouse
    Depression & Grief
    Experts On Grief
    First Responders
    FJC's Journal
    Grief And Communities
    Health & Grief
    Helping Others
    Holidays
    Men's Grief
    Military
    National Guidelines
    Peer Support
    Programs And Services
    Research
    Spirituality & Grief
    Suicide Prevention
    Support Groups
    Survivor Outlook
    Survivor Resources
    Survivor Showcase
    Survivor Stories
    Taking Action
    Trauma

    Grief after Suicide posts are by Franklin Cook (unless noted). Learn more about Franklin's work in suicide grief support.
    Blogs on Suicide Grief
    • Alliance of Hope
    • Healing Suicide Grief
    • Lala's Mom
    • Our Side of Suicide
    • Mary's Shortcut
    • Loss of a Child
    • Bright Shining Star
    • Speaking of Suicide
    • Everything But the Cat

    RSS Feed

    TERMS OF USE AND SERVICE
    Must be read by anyone posting any content on this website.

    © 2016 Personal Grief Coaching.
    All Rights Reserved.