Grief after Suicide
  • Grief After Suicide Blog
  • Personal Grief Coaching
  • Training & Presentations
  • Suggest a Story
  • Contact

FAMILY'S TRAGIC STORY EXPOSES DOWNSIDE OF "SUICIDE IS PREVENTABLE"

7/28/2013

5 Comments

 
In "How a Family Copes with Schizophrenia and Suicide," NPR's All Things Considered tackles the difficult subject of suicide not always being preventable. As psychiatrist Harold Schwartz puts it:
"It's important for everyone to know that for some people, suicidal ideation and suicidal intent is a terminal illness. There are many things that we can do to prevent an individual from committing suicide, but we can't always do it. We can't always be successful."
The NPR report tells the story of Homer Bell's family in the aftermath of the 54-year-old man's suicide in April. By the time Homer died, the family had been worn down by three decades of trying to help manage what seemed to them to be an unmanageable disease. Shortly before Homer's suicide, he showed up at his mother's house, but she had for a long time been unable to allow him to stay there because of the seriousness of his illness:
"He was frightened. I saw that fear. Nobody understands what I'm trying to say. It's not the idea I feel guilty because he passed away. Maybe I couldn't have helped that. But what bothered me is no matter what nobody does, I'm still his mother. I was supposed to let him in that house to help him because I saw the fear, but I didn't know what to do. And then I went to the window, and I heard him say, 'I'm waiting for Mommy.' I heard him. I'm looking at him. I walked away from the window. I said, 'God, what do I do?' I said, 'Jeez, I don't know what' -- I didn't know what I was going to do. I went back to the window, he was gone. That's the last time I saw my son. I just didn't open up the door. I didn't know what to do, maybe because I was tired ...
This heartbreaking story points to the downside of statements depicting suicide as universally preventable, such as those of U.S. Surgeon General Regina M. Benjamin last fall, during her announcement of a new National Strategy for Suicide Prevention:
"The latest research shows that suicide is preventable, suicidal behaviors are treatable, and the support of families, friends, and colleagues are critical protective factors. Suicide prevention needs to be addressed in the comprehensive, coordinated way outlined in the national strategy."
The readers' comments to the NPR story demonstrate the range of perspectives and opinions regarding whether and how suicide can be prevented.

One reader writes about his brother's treatment, which has protected him from suicide but has come with serious side effects from the medication he is taking:

My brother has suffered from bipolar with psychotic features since his mid-twenties, and there were times when I was very certain that I would get a phone call informing me that he was dead. While he is now on medication, and not experiencing the wild swings of his disease, his life is not a happy one. The medications are so powerful that he can do little more than sleep. A once active man now can't hold a job and lives at home with my parents.
Another reader focuses on the need for more assistance for homeless people who have a mental illness:
So sad. The mother can't blame herself. It must be so exhausting to deal with this and not get adequate help. I am not America bashing, but all my friends from abroad are shocked that there are so many homeless Americans on the street who have obvious mental issues and don't get the help they -- or their families -- need.
But one reader -- who has had years of experience successfully helping a family member of his or her own -- does blame Homer's family:
I understand their situation because I too have a mentally ill family member, and I have been down a similar road ... It makes me sad to say, but I think Homer's family gave up on him.
More than one reader comments on the complexity of the problem and points out that there are no simple or easy answers:
Freedom is the Catch 22. You cannot force an individual on medication without a court order. The court order typically only comes when imminent danger is shown to either be evident toward the individual or others. You also cannot force people to live in a shelter or place of living. Even if free shelter is offered, it very well may be refused.
And yet another reader reminds us that Homer's story is repeated over and over again:
My son, Alex, died at age 24. So many of the emotions and challenges of dealing with a child with mental illness described in the story were so close to home. The mother seems to carry the largest burden. Dealing with the inability to move your son away from the street, toward anything resembling a normal life, is so hard. Then they come knocking on the door. We've walked that walk. This story let me cry once more for my son.
Of course, suicide is preventable and, of course, it is important to communicate to the public that suicide is preventable, but framing that as an absolute statement neglects emphasizing all of the conditions necessary to make suicide preventable. Making such a universal declaration minimizes or ignores the complexity and recalcitrance of individual situations. Namely, suicides like the one that took the life of Homer Bell are preventable ...

• if families of suicidal people like Homer Bell receive adequate support in their efforts to care for their loved ones;
• if suicidal people like Homer Bell have viable options for housing -- or residential treatment -- that provide them with shelter not only from the elements but also from the acute symptoms of their disease; and
• if there is adequate support available to integrate people with severe mental illness into the mainstream culture and activities of the communities where they live.

And in the end, characterizing suicide as universally preventable often means that someone must be blamed when a suicide fatality occurs, and all too often, the blame falls on the victim (the person who died by suicide) or on the victim's family.
5 Comments
Dorothy Paugh
7/29/2013 10:43:48 am

Perhaps the way to say it is "Suicide is often preventable." I think the Surgeon General did not mean to make a blanket statement, just an affirmative one, to counter the widespread notion that "If someone wants to kill themselves, they will keep trying until they find a way." That may be true for some, but not for many suicidal individuals. Forty years of research shows any obstacle or delay can break the trance.
The problem is we cannot tell which suicides are preventable, so I would err to the side of always trying to stop the deadly act, even if it might raise false hope in some families. We cannot resign ourselves to failure in advance. I speak from the experience of having lost my father to suicide 50 years ago, and my son last year.

Reply
Sharon Bryce
8/4/2013 09:54:18 pm

As a mother I don't think I failed I gave my all it just wasn't enough ! Love wasn't enough ! I don't have the answers it i believe suicide is not preventable i would like to think there will be answers /prevention s one day to ind the answers to the loss of will power to live would be an answer to my questions .(why) love to you all.

Reply
Dorothy Paugh
8/5/2013 10:07:28 am

Hi Sharon,

I am so sorry we could not save our loved ones, but others can be saved. Failing to prevent the death of our beloved sons or daughters is by no means failing as a mother. I believe human beings are fragile and fallible and each of us must find his or her own way. Some of us will have moments of overwhelming despair no matter how much we're loved.

Some individuals struggle for a long time with suicidal thoughts and actions. Others act impulsively and without warning, in the anguish of the moment. Numerous studies have shown that making it harder to access guns, obtain certain pills or chemicals, or climb over bridge rails does in fact significantly decrease the total number of suicides, by more than one third. Packaging can make all the difference in the world. The will to live can and does return to stay for many troubled souls who are thwarted in their attempt to die. http://www.bridgerail.org/lives-can-be-saved/what-science-tells-us

Reply
Sarah Gaer link
8/8/2013 01:15:51 am

Excellent article that speaks to one of the most difficult challenges that suicide prevention specialists face. Sadly, it appears that there are cases that we do not yet have the ability to prevent. What is even more painful is watching people realize during a training that their loved one had all of the warning signs and risk factors but due to lack of understanding and education, no one identified it at the time and therefore the person did not have the much needed care that may have prevented their death. Thank you Franklin for once again addressing such a complicated but important issue in a kind, thoughtful way!

Reply
Allison
8/24/2013 09:06:30 am

I don't think it is preventable because no one ever thinks the person who does it is really capable of such a permanent solution to the pain they are feeling until it happens to you.my husband had Lou gerig and was scared to suffer the remainder of his 56 years of life it happened so fast I didn't have time to help thank you for listening

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    FREE NEWSLETTER
    BLOG HOME PAGE
    • "After a Suicide" Resources 
    • Directory of Survivor Support Groups


    Categories

    All
    Advocacy & Policy
    Announcements
    Black Community
    Children's Grief
    Community Support
    Death Of A Child
    Death Of A Friend
    Death Of A Parent
    Death Of A Sibling
    Death Of A Spouse
    Depression & Grief
    Experts On Grief
    First Responders
    FJC's Journal
    Grief And Communities
    Health & Grief
    Helping Others
    Holidays
    Men's Grief
    Military
    National Guidelines
    Peer Support
    Programs And Services
    Research
    Spirituality & Grief
    Suicide Prevention
    Support Groups
    Survivor Outlook
    Survivor Resources
    Survivor Showcase
    Survivor Stories
    Taking Action
    Trauma

    Grief after Suicide posts are by Franklin Cook (unless noted). Learn more about Franklin's work in suicide grief support.
    Blogs on Suicide Grief
    • Alliance of Hope
    • Healing Suicide Grief
    • Lala's Mom
    • Our Side of Suicide
    • Mary's Shortcut
    • Loss of a Child
    • Bright Shining Star
    • Speaking of Suicide
    • Everything But the Cat

    RSS Feed

    TERMS OF USE AND SERVICE
    Must be read by anyone posting any content on this website.

    © 2016 Personal Grief Coaching.
    All Rights Reserved.