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IN-DEPTH RESEARCH TAKES INTIMATE LOOK AT PARENTS BEREAVED BY SUICIDE

7/12/2013

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A recently published book about how parents cope with the death of children from suicide or drug overdose -- Devastating Losses -- reports on groundbreaking research into grief after stigmatized deaths. According to a review in Clinical Social Work Journal (click on "Look Inside" for free access to the article),
Clinical and social science researchers have paid little attention to the experiences of parents grieving the loss of children to suicide, despite the fact that suicide is one of the leading causes of death for adolescents ... The large study reported on in Devastating Losses ... represents a substantial and important response to this call, with findings that are both clinically relevant and likely to inspire future research related to grieving parents.
The book is noteworthy, as well, because its lead author and one of the co-authors, Bill and Bev Feigelman, respectively, are a husband and wife who lost their own son to suicide in 2003. The review points out that the Feigelman's "were able to use their personal experience of traumatic loss to guide their research questions and deeply sensitive approach to the topic":
Devastating Losses is a testament to the important role of meaning-making in grief work, in this case the power of scholarly inquiry in the context of profound personal loss.

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GRIEVING DADS PROJECT IS GREAT EXAMPLE OF PEER SUPPORT

6/11/2013

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I applaud attempts by bereaved people to reach out to others and help them with their grief, and this week, I encountered an excellent example of such an endeavor in the Grieving Dads Project. The project was created by Kelly Farley, who was crippled by his grief after the deaths, 18 months apart, of his two very young children (not from suicide):
I didn't want to get out of bed, and for the most part I didn't for about 3 months. All of the pain from the loss of Noah and all of the pain I buried deep inside after the loss of Katie rushed to the surface. I couldn't cope.
Kelly's healing came in part from the power of peer support, and he praises some of the qualities of peer helpers:
They were people that didn't judge you or feel uncomfortable when you started to cry while telling them your story. They embraced you and checked in with you on a regular basis. They would take your calls regardless of what they were doing at the time. They provided me compassion, sympathy and hope. They never told me to toughen up and plow through it.
The Grieving Dads Project came from a promise Kelly made ...
... to Katie, Noah and myself that once I was strong enough, I would reach out to other dads that have lost a child and help them come to terms with their loss and to help them find their way.

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BEING STOIC IN GRIEF MAY BE COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE FOR BEREAVED SPOUSES

2/24/2013

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Researchers studying parents bereaved by a child's death have found that when "couples either avoided discussion of their loss or attempted to remain strong for the sake of the partner ... the strategies actually exacerbated the problems of grieving," according to a report in Science Daily.

Spouses who use such strategies, called Partner-Oriented Self Regulation (POSR), tend to agree with statements such as "'I stay strong for my partner,' 'I hide my feelings for the sake of my partner,' or 'I try to spare my partner's feelings.'" Researcher Margaret Stroebe says the strategies are counter-productive:

"While parents seek to protect their partners through POSR, this effort has the opposite effect, and it is associated with worse adjustment over time. Surprisingly, our results suggest hat POSR has costs, not benefits, and not only for the partner but also for the self."

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SURVIVOR COUPLE ADVOCATES FOR THE BEREAVED IN NEW BOOK AND FILM

1/8/2013

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"Couple Hopes to Help the Suicide Bereaved" (Annette Hinkle, Sag Harbor Express) highlights Bill and Bev Feigelman's efforts to spread the word about the needs of survivors of suicide loss. The Feigelman's son Jesse died by suicide in 2002 when he was 31 years old, and his parents are now dedicated to the cause of helping people bereaved by suicide.

The article tells of the Feigelman's advocacy on behalf of people who have lost a loved one to suicide, including their "mission to convince medical schools and continuing healthcare education programs to train doctors about the importance of reaching out to the newly bereaved and offer appropriate referrals."

They are also the authors of a recent book on suicide bereavement titled Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Loss of a Child to Suicide or Drugs (with co-authors John Jordan and John McIntosh), which is based on data from the largest survey ever conducted of parents surviving a child's suicide or other traumatic death.


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SURVIVORS ADDRESS SUICIDE LOSS AND GRIEF IN BLACK COMMUNITY

3/9/2012

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In this HLN-TV interview, Donna Barnes, executive director of NOPCAS (National Organization of People of Color against Suicide), and William and Naomi Powell, who facilitate a support group for survivors of suicide loss, talk about suicide and grief in the black community. 

The interview was broadcast in the wake of the suicide of Don Cornelius, who is characterized in a New York Times story as the person "who brought black music and culture into America’s living rooms when he created the dance show 'Soul Train.'”

HLN-TV reporter Richelle Carey says her hope is that this interview will help "break the silence and the shame that comes with such a tragedy," and points out that suicide is the third-leading cause of death among black men age 15-24. Barnes, whose son Marc died by suicide in 1990 (learn about the history of NOPCAS), addresses the culture of silence surrounding suicide 


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