"The Wake of Suicide: A Synopsis" is a very brief version of my whole story as a survivor. I wrote it for a friend and colleague who is including it in a book he's working on (I'll post about that when it's published later this year). Here are a few excerpts from the story:
[My father] did not ever -- during the entire course of his life -- receive the help he needed for the problems that killed him, and that's a pity (it is also the answer to "Why?" that points not only to him as an individual but also to his community and our society).I'm posting the story here today in part because, after a bit of a hiatus, I want to return to writing"FJC's Journal" for Grief after Suicide -- and this is a way for me to start over on that. There's a lot to be said for starting over, isn't there? Not only because we have to but because (if we're fortunate and if we're paying attention) we get to, over and over again.
The explanation I would give for being where I am today is that I traversed enough ground to get here, step by step: I grieved by trial-and-error, and my healing turned out to be a holistic experience that I couldn't have caused using a linear strategy.
I do not think in terms of what should or shouldn't have been. My father is dead, he died horrifically, and his death nearly shattered his loved ones in its wake -- and I cannot change that.