Even as it is due at the printers in December, new material planned for DSM-V is being intensely debated, including the proposed elimination of the current exclusion from a diagnosis of depression for a person experiencing grief:

Under the current criteria, a depression diagnosis requires that a person have five of nine symptoms -- which include sleeping problems, a feeling of worthlessness and a loss of concentration -- for two weeks or more. The criteria make an explicit exception for normal grieving, which can look like depression (Benedict Carey - "Grief Could Join List of Disorders" - New York Times - 01/24/2012).

On one side of the argument are those who believe the current exclusion does a disservice to grieving people who would benefit from a diagnosis of (and treatment for) depression:

“If someone is suffering from severe depression symptoms one or two months after a loss or a death, and I can’t make a diagnosis of depression, [says Dr. David Kupfer, professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine,] well, that is not being clinically proactive. That person may then not get the treatment they need” (Carey).

On the other side are those who fear that grief will come to be considered as an illness:

“An estimated 8 to 10 million people lose a loved one every year, and something like a third to a half of them suffer depressive symptoms for up to month afterward,” [says Dr. Jerome Wakefield of New York University]. This [eliminating the exclusion] would pathologize them for behavior previously thought to be normal” (Carey).

Here is a quote from "What to Do about Valentine's Day," by Cheryl Eckl, whose husband died of cancer in 2008:

The problem is that it's Valentine's Day weekend—which always brings up the whole idea of love. And, for widowed persons, the question of loving again after loss. Clearly, this is a matter I have avoided because, in surveying my present circumstance, I realize that I have, indeed, replaced my husband—but ... not with a sentient being. These days I spend the majority of my time with my desktop Mac, laptop, iPhone, and soon-to-be-purchased iPad.

Judging from the e-mails I have received from other widows, I suspect I'm not alone in this situation. But this lover's holiday does kind of rub my nose in the fact that there is nobody in my life right now who is going to send me flowers or take me out to a nice romantic dinner. My electronics may be interactive devices but they are neither thoughtful nor proactive when it comes to the most basic of human needs: relationship.

The original article was posted on Feb. 11, 2012 to Cheryl's blog, "A Beautiful Grief," which is hosted by Psychology Today.